Warmth Of Your Love
by Schizo.Victim
Summary: Loving someone shouldn't be this hard, but I guess it's always worth it in the end. One shot. Royal Pair.


I know I should've continued with Empress instead of working on another story, but my other computer crashed and it still won't open! Damn laptop. And I don't want to rewrite what I already wrote(unless it's already absolutely impossible) and I'm still hoping and yearning with my whole freakin* heart that my goddamn laptop will take pity on me and will open so I can retrieve my files, then it can permanently sleep for the rest of its life. Anyway, I wrote this one-shot to vent my frustration and to sort of inform you guys that I'll post the continuation of Empress once my laptop cooperates. *Bow*

...And really I suck at summaries. Can anyone give me tips? LOL.

Anyway, here ya go... Hope you'll like it! :)

Disclaimer: Don't own any characters from Prince of Tennis, though I promise I'll give a tasty twist If Konomi-sensei gave me the rights. =P

* * *

 **Warmth**

 _Click._

 _Click._

 _Click. Click. Click._

I breathe a sigh of weariness and turned my gaze to the clock on the bedside table.

 _1:35AM._

I was pretty sure that my lover was sleeping beside me when I fell asleep earlier, but the incessant clacking on the other room and the empty expanse of cold sheet beside me proved otherwise. I closed my eyes and try to keep my mind blank but the sleep still eluded me. I stared at the ceiling knowing that I won't be able to fall asleep again and just listened to the clicking of the keyboard and the occasional sip and a soft thud of what I assume was a coffee being drank.

 _Click. Click. Click._

It has been like this for 3 months now and I can see the toll it's taking on my lover. His vibrant gray-purple hair have now turned a dull shade and his usually flawless, soft skin have turned dry and lackluster and his posture becoming slouched. But the thing that troubled me the most is his eyes. His icy blue eyes that possessed command and certainty now holds exhaustion and anxiety, the bags in his eyes became very noticeable. He tried to keep it from me, pretending that nothing has changed, but I can see it clearly especially when he thought I was not looking. It hurts to see what has become of him but it hurts even more knowing that it was my fault.

 _Click. Click._

 _Click._

The repetitive clicking of the keys made my mind wander. We've been together for 16 months now and we have never been happier. Well, until the last 3 months that is. Our relationship was not conventional mainly because we are both male, but we've come to terms with our feelings and sexuality and decided to just go with it, fuck whatever others think of us.

We've known each other since middle school, him being the captain of Hyotei tennis club and me being the super rookie of Seigaku tennis club. We used to only meet during the tennis tournaments but that changed when his pompous ass visited the street courts more often. I asked before if the reason why he keeps on showing his annoying self on the street courts was because he wanted to see me, and I can still clearly remember the panicked look in his eyes and the rosy color that flood his cheek before stuttering an _"Of course not. You should be in awe that I even grace you with my presence"_ before snapping his fingers and taking his ever faithful Kabaji and bolting hurriedly out of the street courts with a _"Let's go Kabaji, we got more important things to do than mingle with these peasants"_. I remembered the feeling of victory I got in getting an upper hand with the diva, and oddly enough, there's also a strange warmth that I just shook off as being under the hot sun for too long.

He did not went back to the street courts for a long time after that and I felt an inexplicable sense of loss in which I adamantly refute then that he is the cause. But after seeing him at the Nationals after that, and that strange warmth overwhelmed me again, I knew that I would like to see him more often. We did meet frequently after that, mostly just to play tennis, then time went by and we'll also have lunch or dinner afterwards. Sometimes we don't play tennis anymore and we'll just watch a movie or go to the arcade or somewhere that I want to go or if there is somewhere that he wanted to take me.

Though that ended abruptly when I went back to the States during my 2nd year in high school. A tennis scholarship has been offered and Oyaji figured that I'll be able to train properly if I'm at America and there are more coaches there that could help me improve my tennis. I wanted to refuse thinking about the warmth that I felt whenever I'm with him and the dread of feeling that sense of loss again, but Monkey king found out about the offer and urge me to take it, knowing that it was my dream to be the no.1 tennis player. I hesitated realizing what I was leaving but the pull of the supposed future and his promise to keep in touch made my decision.

It wasn't long before I came back to Japan. During my stay in America, I've managed to win several tournaments and was able to participate in the US Open, trying to get better and better. I've been pushing myself hard to quickly improve myself so I can be the best tennis player and go back to Japan as soon as possible. But it seems like I was pushing it too hard. I've damaged my ulnar collateral ligament in the elbow and underwent a surgery to fix it. The operation was successful but I've been struggling after that and acquired several more, though not major, injuries. Both Oyaji and I recognized that I'll never reached that level of tennis that I had nor will I ever get a hold of it again. Oyaji visibly gave up, turning his whole attention to Ryoga to shape his other son to achieve his unfulfilled dreams. It hurt to be abandoned just like that and to realize that your own father only sees you as a silhouette of himself. But I pursued for a while, remembering the promise that I said to Monkey king to be the number 1 tennis player but the hopeless and abandoned feeling finally overpowered me and I just succumb to my weakness.

I also lost contact with all my friends in Japan, mostly because I didn't reply anymore to their email or letters when I realized that I won't be able to accomplish their expectations of me. Even Keigo gave up after a few months of no replies. I can tell he was worried when I didn't replied the first time and I received emails everyday asking me to at least reply so he'll know If I was alright. Then everyday turned into once a week, then into once a month until it was all gone and that warm, fuzzy feeling left me for good as well.

I dropped out from high school before I even graduate and decided to go back to Japan by myself, thinking that I'll be able to start over there. Okaasan and Oyaji didn't even protest and just let me be, neither was planning to go back with me. I didn't tell anyone that I'm coming back, not when I've failed all of them. Returning to Japan, I didn't realize that the feeling of failure and disappointment will return a hundred-fold. Being constantly reminded of the encouragement and promises between me and my friends (not sure if they are my friends anymore) and most especially Keigo, I became depressed and just moped around the apartment all the time, afraid to get out of the house in case I'll encounter someone I know.

I've rented an apartment since we sold our house when we went back to America. My parents still gave me my monthly allowance including the rent. But there are times when they forgot to send money and that forced me to stop brooding in the house and at least try to earn money by myself, knowing that sooner or later they'll forget that they have another son.

It took me some time but I finally found a job at a convenience store near Tokyo University. I guess there aren't much job choices for a high school dropout. The monotonous tasks of greeting the customer, restocking shelves, dusting, sweeping and mopping floors surprisingly calmed me, suppressing my inner despair, and I welcomed that detached feeling. I've been working there for about 3 months, unperturbed with how I'm obviously wasting my life, when the past came crashing down on me.

There in a flurry of movement and noise, came the people that I never wish to bump into again. I should've realized that they are college students now and of course, no university is suitable than the best for them, especially the Keigo in the middle. My teammates from Seigaku- Buchou, Fuji-sempai, Inui-sempai Oishi-sempai, Eiji-sempai, Momo-sempai and Kaido-sempai were there and I also recognize a few faces from Rikkai and Hyotei, but I was only concern with the blue eyes staring at me.

I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of the warmth and chill that came over me. I stood there petrified, staring at the cobalt blue eyes that is equally staring at me in surprise, my insides coiling with unknown emotion. I was startled when the noise around us silenced and I noticed that everyone was staring at me in disbelief.

" _Ryoma?"_ I heard my name softly uttered in a breathy voice but I heard it clearly. I resisted the urge to bolt and escape, the desperation weighing down on me, and instead put on a mask and smirk up at them with a cocky _"Miss me?"_

I was expecting the resentment and disappointment that I'll received from the tennis players. True enough, my best friend, Momo-sempai first woke up from his stupor and confronted me, screaming in his loud voice as to how dare I go back to Japan and show my mug to them again after almost a year without communication, that just because I took part in a Grand slam I'm already acting like a big shot and just neglect them like we weren't teammates, like we were not best friends.

I struggle to stopped listening after that, I stood there trying hard to keep my expression blank like I did not care whatever he said to me. He's still talking, all their eyes looking at me with some form of disappointment and I can feel my lungs burning, I couldn't breathe easily, not when I can feel their stares bearing down on me and the words repeatedly stabbing me. As much as I tried to conceal what I feel, I can sense the tears slowly gathering in my eyes- my vision of them slightly blurring and I was grateful for that. It distorted their image and I can get a slight reprieve but it still not enough to take away the pain of the words and I clench my left fist tightly to prevent myself from letting the tears fall, nails digging painfully in my palms.

Realizing that the tears will fall any time soon, I will my feet and legs to move and turn around but I was blocked by a large chest. Warm, shaking hands snaked around my waist and the other hand moved towards my hand that is still clenched tightly, urging my hand to loosen its hold. I did, and he held my slightly wounded hand in his and slightly kissed it and at the same time tightened his hold on my waist. _"Ryoma."_ There it was again. My name gently breathed by that beautiful voice that I've missed so much and I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down.

I wasn't sure what happened then, all I know is I was crying, sobbing furiously into his shirt but he held onto me and didn't let go. All the pain, regret, disappointment and frustration built up was freed and the tears and apologies won't stop flowing from me.

After everyone has calmed down (mostly me), we left the convenience store and went to the Keigo's place to talk. I told them everything, the unexpected injury, the abandonment of my parents, the regret of crushing my dreams, the shame of failing everyone, and the fright of facing it all alone. Throughout that time, Keigo never let go of my hand nor he left my side and I was completely enveloped with the warmth that I thought was already gone for good.

My world went brighter after that. I got my best friend (after he apologize profusely) and my sempais back, and I got close to some of the players from the other teams as well. But most of all, I have Keigo by my side. He officially asked me out, though I don't think declaring that he's ' _giving me permission to date him and that I should be honored to be in the presence of his glory self'_ is the same as him asking me out, and I remembered that all I wanted to do was to sock him in his glory face.

 _Click. Click. Click._

 _Click. Click._

I turned my head to face the door that connects to the other room. I could picture him in that room, sitting in his own personal desk, face much too close to the computer, his expression that of great concentration. He'll rub his neck wearily or stretch his right hand towards the cup of coffee when he felt the sleep trying to consume him, or roll his shoulders and stretch his back when the strain became too much.

I twisted my head back towards the ceiling. The first 13 months that we were together was blissful. With the encouragement of the others, mostly Keigo, I continued my senior high, graduated and am now in my 1st year of college studying Sports Medicine. I guess I wanted to help those future athletes that unfortunately went through the same thing like me. I also help train the Seigaku high school tennis club as an additional part-time. I didn't drop my part-time in the convenience store, to Keigo's displeasure then but we're glad now that I didn't.

3 months ago is where everything change, most especially in Keigo's life. We've been going out then for the past year and everything was going fantastic. My friends didn't care that we're in a relationship with a male, mostly because some of them already hooked up with each other. We're grateful for that but typically, not everyone was accepting. We hid our relationship from Keigo's father, and we thought that we were successful. 6 months before Keigo's graduation from university, his father ordered him to marry this elite girl that is the daughter of his business partner. Turns out he knew from the start about our relationship and he figured that he'll let Keigo enjoy his freedom before he'll be confined in the world of Atobe Corporation.

Of course, things didn't go well, for Keigo and for his father. Both didn't want to back down. Keigo didn't consent with the marriage and made it clear that he'll never leave me. His father stubbornly put his foot down and threaten to disown Keigo and that he won't ever get even a single cent from his father again. So now, Atobe Corporation don't have an heir to its empire and Keigo don't have the luxury that he grew up in anymore.

I can see how hard it was on him. To have everything you've known and possessed taken away from you. He really struggled the first few months. He lived in with me in my beat-up apartment, slept in my shabby bed and mostly ate instant noodles or canned foods. Back then, the only money that we have is from my part-time jobs (It has been a while since my parents gave me allowance) and we still need both money for college and daily expenses, so we really save every cent that we could have.

With a few months from graduation, he became extremely busy with school - with all the reports, theses and final exams. As much as I hated it, he started working as a part-time cram school teacher, adding to the list of things in his massive to-do list. I told him that I could still take another part-time job but he insisted, saying that it's not fair that I'm the only one working for the both of us seeing that I already have 2 part-time jobs and also have school work, and that _Ore-sama_ should be the one providing the money since he's obviously the _man_ in the relationship. I resigned myself to it (after punching him in the gut for the _man_ comment), knowing that he won't listen to whatever I'll tell him.

It was really difficult. We don't get to do much together nowadays and when we were at home, we were both busy with homework and reports and there isn't much cuddling or kissing or anything else that normal couples do. I wasn't complaining because of that, the thing that hurts the most was what Keigo is doing right now. I told him when he started taking that cram school teacher not to neglect his health, no matter how busy he was. We may don't have much healthy choices of food but I told him to eat regularly and to always give time for sleep. He did that- for the first few weeks that is.

I only just found out recently that he always went out of the bed the moment I was sleeping soundly. I remembered being confused before as to what might've happened when Oshitari told me that he fainted at the University one time, and I'm not sure if I'm glad that I found out the cause or not.

At this time of the night, he occupied himself in working on business plans and proposals, applying for loans on the banks and such. He wrapped his head around this thinking that, though true, he doesn't have a prepared occupation once he got out of university (unless of course, he drop me) and that the only way that we'll be able to survive is if he'll start his own business as soon as possible.

Every night since I unintentionally woke up and found out what he was doing, I did this- just stare at the ceiling wallowing in helplessness and powerlessness, cold slowly enveloping me in its embrace. I very much wanted to just go there and tell him to give up- to just go back to his father, marry that bitch, inherit the company and just live in luxury and comfort all his life. He doesn't have to endure all this suffering for me. But of course, I can't do that. Not when I can see how hard he's working for the both of us, it felt like I'm very ungrateful. I'm not. I just wanted him to stop torturing himself. It will be so easy to resolve all these problem. All I need to do is walk away. I clench my fist and resolve myself to do just that. I'll tell him now, I've been wanting to tell him this every night.

Thump. Screech.

I heard the clicking stopped on the other side of the room and the chair scratching on the floor. I turned my head towards the clock on the bedside already knowing what time it is.

 _5:00AM_

He always stopped his work and went back to bed by this time, knowing that I'll have to wake up by 5:30 for my part-time job in the convenience store. He'll lay down beside me again and pretend that he was asleep the whole time, but I knew that he knew that I already found out about his nightly antics, but the urge to feign innocence was strong and we both just played along. But I promised that this will be the last time.

I heard the slight creak of the door opening. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep for a while, imagining Keigo slowly and tiredly walk towards the bed. Just thinking about what will happen bring dread to my core, shadows looming in from every direction. I felt the bed dip slightly and a large hand went to my head and softly run his fingers through my hair. The hand retreated and I almost groaned at the lost. The bed sank lower and I was brought close to a defined chest. A pair of strong arms wrapped around me, his breath ghosting hotly on my skin. A quiet, melodious voice rang in the silent bedroom.

" _I love you, Ryoma"_

Warmth instantly seeped in and I slowly released the breath that I didn't realize I was holding.

 _I guess I'll just try to tell him again tomorrow._

 _Fin_

* * *

Blegh. I was going for a short fluff, but it turned into sorta angst. *sigh*

And so sorry for the very OOC Ryoma. I guess he's been jaded by this time.

Please leave a review! :)


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